I was looking at the Geneva Centre’s listings of courses and events for the loved ones of autistics last week. There were courses on everything one might expect and a few one wouldn’t. There were courses on behavioural therapy, social skills, interventions of all kinds and even a great social club.
There was nothing listed for spouses.
Nothing at all.
I was shocked.
I did more research. I looked everywhere. I have yet to find a course, a support group, a book of knowledge, anything for the spouses of autistics. With all our knowledge, all our learning, all our insight into the world of the autistic, there is nothing to say that these fascinating people will get married.
This seems against our common sense. Autistic people don’t seem the types to settle and marry. Someone with social impairments would find the world of dating and of long term relationships terrifying. And, yet, some autistics do marry.
13 years ago I met my fiancée. A week after meeting him, I knew that this endless puzzle was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wasn’t sure that the quiet boy could respond to my love. At first I worried that I had fallen in love with someone who was gay. (An insurmountable obstacle if you’re of the opposite gender. ) I wanted into that silent brain. Gradually, daily I worked on his confidence. Gradually, daily I earned his trust. For two years I insisted that he look me in the eye and respond when greeted. For two years I demanded an answer when I asked him how he was. I never played him false. I dealt only in primary colour emotions (happy, sad, mad, quiet). I invaded his space if he was too quiet. I remembered his birthday. Two years later, I found out that my love was requited, my friendship was rewarded. I have never really looked back.
Unbeknownst to my fiancée and to me, he is autistic. All I knew when I met him was that this interesting, quiet boy sat next to me at lunch. I was enthralled. Fascinated. I am outgoing and gregarious by nature. A person who won’t talk to me is a challenge. This relationship has been a challenge.
I am not alone. You are not alone.
This is the third incarnation of this blog. While I am no psychiatrist, I have a little training and enough knowledge to be dangerous. In the mornings, I volunteer with a group of teen age young women in downtown Toronto. There, I aid the ladies who exhibit a myriad of intricacies and disorders. I am a teacher by trade and have a little special education training and a lot of experience. I will not use much jargon. I don’t believe in jargon. Jargon prevents true communication. Thus, while I’ll be looking to journal articles and research, I will always attempt to use the plain English words I need.
You are not alone.
There was nothing listed for spouses.
Nothing at all.
I was shocked.
I did more research. I looked everywhere. I have yet to find a course, a support group, a book of knowledge, anything for the spouses of autistics. With all our knowledge, all our learning, all our insight into the world of the autistic, there is nothing to say that these fascinating people will get married.
This seems against our common sense. Autistic people don’t seem the types to settle and marry. Someone with social impairments would find the world of dating and of long term relationships terrifying. And, yet, some autistics do marry.
13 years ago I met my fiancée. A week after meeting him, I knew that this endless puzzle was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wasn’t sure that the quiet boy could respond to my love. At first I worried that I had fallen in love with someone who was gay. (An insurmountable obstacle if you’re of the opposite gender. ) I wanted into that silent brain. Gradually, daily I worked on his confidence. Gradually, daily I earned his trust. For two years I insisted that he look me in the eye and respond when greeted. For two years I demanded an answer when I asked him how he was. I never played him false. I dealt only in primary colour emotions (happy, sad, mad, quiet). I invaded his space if he was too quiet. I remembered his birthday. Two years later, I found out that my love was requited, my friendship was rewarded. I have never really looked back.
Unbeknownst to my fiancée and to me, he is autistic. All I knew when I met him was that this interesting, quiet boy sat next to me at lunch. I was enthralled. Fascinated. I am outgoing and gregarious by nature. A person who won’t talk to me is a challenge. This relationship has been a challenge.
I am not alone. You are not alone.
This is the third incarnation of this blog. While I am no psychiatrist, I have a little training and enough knowledge to be dangerous. In the mornings, I volunteer with a group of teen age young women in downtown Toronto. There, I aid the ladies who exhibit a myriad of intricacies and disorders. I am a teacher by trade and have a little special education training and a lot of experience. I will not use much jargon. I don’t believe in jargon. Jargon prevents true communication. Thus, while I’ll be looking to journal articles and research, I will always attempt to use the plain English words I need.
You are not alone.
posted by Bistmath at
7:00 AM
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